Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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