I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
