1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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