Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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