what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We left the knife in your bed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
