I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
