it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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