he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
