I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
