Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
