shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
