Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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