So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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