it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
