I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I need moral support for this bender
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
