I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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