Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she looked like the before picture.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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