The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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