his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
