You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
