shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
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There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
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I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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