Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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