Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
