I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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