youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
