but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
