Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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