dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
