Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
