I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
