He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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