You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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