It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
