I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
