Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize