Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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