He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
