i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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