I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
