i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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