I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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