He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
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At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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