DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
