tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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