Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
