Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
