Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
