never play flip cup with pint glasses
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
