we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
