dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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