Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
