Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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