I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize