True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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