I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
