I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
