Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
