just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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