If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
