I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i can juggle bunnies
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.