I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
