My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
...so i touched it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
this hospital has no fireball
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
