I feel great
I just peed on a car
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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