glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
