If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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