I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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