So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize