I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
